As the mother of a young daughter I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want for her in the future. Not the woman I want her to be, because quite frankly I want her to choose the woman she wants to be, but the experiences and foundation I want her to have to build upon.
So what would I want her to understand about the 'Miley Cyrus Incident'? Well let's back up to what I want her to understand about sex.
Sex is a taboo subject, to be hidden away in skanky sex shops and never to be talked about and certainly not to be seen. Of course I'm not saying we should have public orgies, but the outrage that has been expressed over various 'sexual' acts {oops I see a nipple, anyone? Not to mention a little NIP (Nursing In Public)} is totally out of proportion. Be upset, sure, I don't know why, honestly, but be upset. But use that opportunity as a teaching point for our children.
But wait, back to M and what I want her to understand about sex. {Sorry, ADD kicked in.} I don't want it to be a taboo subject. No, I don't EVER want to hear the details, but I want her to understand that sex is a healthy part of a mature relationship. That one day when she meets the right man {at the age of 40} and they mutually decide to take their relationship to the next level, it's something she should be proud of, a moment to be excited over. And one I want her to be comfortable sharing with her
If we perpetuate the idea that sex is dirty and shameful than we never really teach our children healthy sexual relationships. We can't continue to stick our heads in the dirt and hope that someone else takes responsibility. The Miley Cyrus' of the world, no matter how hopeful we are they will be great role models, are not going to take responsibility to teach our children. That's our job as parents.
So let's talk about our job as parents for a second. It's a tricky subject these days. I believe the biggest issue that creates this precarious "I hope I don't offend you" attitude comes from a simple misunderstanding. The definition between 'want' and 'need'. A definition that our society struggles with as a whole, not just the parents. Our job as a parent is to meet our child's needs, and needs alone, and then allow them to safely navigate, explore, and obtain knowledge in our world and determine their wants.
So what does this look like? Your child from birth has basic needs: nutrition, sleep, comfort. These truly never change. The appearance of the needs changes: breastmilk to solid foods, short naps to long nights, holding and closeness to support in the tricky turbulence of emotions. These needs must be met but a parent, but anything else should be guidance. And we have to guide our children, we cannot expect them to learn on their own. Just a child left to cry does not learn to regulate their emotions, only to shut down and withdraw, a teen left to navigate the waters of interpersonal relationships and sexuality will inevitably fail.
So back to Miley Cyrus. This was a prime chance for guidance of our youth. Ask them what they thought of the situation. Use their response to guide them into an appropriate perception. Take responsibility.
So be outraged if it makes you feel better, but don't stick your head in the sand and hope someone else will make it go away. We need to give our youth the chance to succeed and fail, but we should never stop being parents.
Oh yea, almost forgot. Here's your daily baby cuteness. *Smile* The little one I love to guide.
