Oh Miley. Sigh.

The 'Miley Cyrus Incident' has creeped its way back into my newsfeed somehow. {I really thought it was dead and gone. Sigh.} And a few insightful posts had me thinking today.

As the mother of a young daughter I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want for her in the future. Not the woman I want her to be, because quite frankly I want her to choose the woman she wants to be, but the experiences and foundation I want her to have to build upon.

So what would I want her to understand about the 'Miley Cyrus Incident'? Well let's back up to what I want her to understand about sex.

Sex is a taboo subject, to be hidden away in skanky sex shops and never to be talked about and certainly not to be seen. Of course I'm not saying we should have public orgies, but the outrage that has been expressed over various 'sexual' acts {oops I see a nipple, anyone? Not to mention a little NIP (Nursing In Public)} is totally out of proportion. Be upset, sure, I don't know why, honestly, but be upset. But use that opportunity as a teaching point for our children.

But wait, back to M and what I want her to understand about sex. {Sorry, ADD kicked in.} I don't want it to be a taboo subject. No, I don't EVER want to hear the details, but I want her to understand that sex is a healthy part of a mature relationship. That one day when she meets the right man {at the age of 40} and they mutually decide to take their relationship to the next level, it's something she should be proud of, a moment to be excited over. And one I want her to be comfortable sharing with her parents mother. {Let's be honest, Dad NEVER wants to know.}

If we perpetuate the idea that sex is dirty and shameful than we never really teach our children healthy sexual relationships. We can't continue to stick our heads in the dirt and hope that someone else takes responsibility. The Miley Cyrus' of the world, no matter how hopeful we are they will be great role models, are not going to take responsibility to teach our children. That's our job as parents.

So let's talk about our job as parents for a second. It's a tricky subject these days. I believe the biggest issue that creates this precarious "I hope I don't offend you" attitude comes from a simple misunderstanding. The definition between 'want' and 'need'. A definition that our society struggles with as a whole, not just the parents. Our job as a parent is to meet our child's needs, and needs alone, and then allow them to safely navigate, explore, and obtain knowledge in our world and determine their wants.

So what does this look like? Your child from birth has basic needs: nutrition, sleep, comfort. These truly never change. The appearance of the needs changes: breastmilk to solid foods, short naps to long nights, holding and closeness to support in the tricky turbulence of emotions. These needs must be met but a parent, but anything else should be guidance. And we have to guide our children, we cannot expect them to learn on their own. Just a child left to cry does not learn to regulate their emotions, only to shut down and withdraw, a teen left to navigate the waters of interpersonal relationships and sexuality will inevitably fail.

So back to Miley Cyrus. This was a prime chance for guidance of our youth. Ask them what they thought of the situation. Use their response to guide them into an appropriate perception. Take responsibility.

So be outraged if it makes you feel better, but don't stick your head in the sand and hope someone else will make it go away. We need to give our youth the chance to succeed and fail, but we should never stop being parents.

Oh yea, almost forgot. Here's your daily baby cuteness. *Smile* The little one I love to guide. 

Baked Eggplant {Surpize}

I made dinner for family last night; grilled bbq chicken drumsticks, tater tots, and baked eggplant. When told the menu, each of them separately told me they didn't like eggplant. I encouraged them to try it before they made a decision.

                                                                         And then the eggplant was the first to go. 

So I thought I'd share the recipe with you guys {since its been slightly modified from anything I found online}. 

BAKED EGGPLANT SLICES

2lb eggplant (give or take) 

Sea Salt

3 eggs

1c flour

2c Panko flakes

Seasoning* {See below}

Olive Oil

Prepping the eggplant
                                        is crucial.

If you change anything, it can't be this part. 

Slice the eggplant in approx 1/4 inch slices.

Layer on a paper towel generously sprinkling salt between the layers {no worries, this will be rinsed off, don't be greasy with the salt}.

Place a paper towel on top of the layers and cover with another plate or item heavy enough to slightly squish the eggplant. The goal is to draw the moisture {and subsequently bitterness} out of the plant. Let this sit for at least 30 mins.

Then rinse the eggplant slices well and pat dry.

Prepping for cooking

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Using three bowls {or plates} fill one with flour, one with whisked eggs, and the third with panko and seasoning.

Cover the slices with flour, then egg, and finally panko mix. Place on a baking sheet in a single layer. Immediately prior to placing in the oven, drizzle with olive oil.

Bake for 30 mins {or until golden brown} flipping them once half way though.

Tip: For the third bowl, I used 1 tbl seasoning* to every 1 c panko. I suggest using a cup at a time because it tends to get clumpy once you put the egg covered pieces in it. When it's gotten to clumpy to use, add the additional Panko and seasoning.

*You can use just about any seasoning you'd like. We used a Herb & Salt mix from Village Garden we purchased at the South of the James Farmers Market. Old Bay would also work, or any of your favorite seasonings. Get creative.*

Seriously delish. I didn't like eggplant before either.
                                                                               Now I'm so glad we planted 5 eggplant plants. 

{Mommy} Time

"My child is my life"

It's a quote I've run upon a lot recently in my bedtime routine blog perusing. It's a quote that both rings true and confuses me. I've spoken these words myself, but now it's making me think.

     What's the real meaning of this quote?

          How should we be using it?

I also recently broke out the glitter and paints.

                                                                         And that's when it all come together.

My child IS my life, she's my everything. This doesn't have to mean I put my entire life on hold while I teach her to be amazing. In fact, how can I teach her to be amazing if I'm not?

Along with reading, writing, and arithmetic, I want my child to learn to be inquisitive and take chances; to be strong and independent, yet compassionate and giving; to know herself, her limits and to test them often; I want her to learn to be herself, and be proud of herself. These are not lessons she can read or hear and learn, these are lessons you can only learn through experience and observation.

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." 

                                                                 - James A Baldwin

I have learned {there she goes teaching her mom lessons again} that I have to continue to be me. And this is where my glitter and paints came in. I LOVE to craft, and I mean LOVE. I've been called Martha a time or two {minus the jail time}. And in the last few days, these small projects have been completed. {Sorry for the bad pictures}.

I need to continue these things to show Madison the woman she can be. The things she can do, and how to live a fulfilling life. I can't tell her that, I have to show her.

Does this mean that I'm going to start taking a girls night every month or more away time without her? No. Because quite frankly that was never me. It beyond frustrates me when people tell me I need more time away from her. I don't, I just need more time to do what makes my heart sing. And that's create.

With her, without her. Doesn't matter. I just need to remember to be me. So she can learn to be her.

What do you do to make sure your children see you being you?

Learning our {Body Parts}

I discovered by accident a great activity a few days ago.

My 16 month old is big on learning body parts these days. She gets very excited to be able to point a new place on herself. I was playing with the camera the other day and she wanted to 'help' as she always does. So I started showing her pictures of herself, this sent her to the moon. She was so excited to see herself on the tiny screen so we took it a little further {and she was entertained for a while!}.

And looked at her toes ...

                         
                                                                                                     And her ears ...

                                        

                                                Hair ... 

Her cute little belly ... 

Those engaging eyes ... 

             And button nose ... 

And those perfect fingers ... 

This continued on for a while. She loved it. And we've done it a few more times adding parts as we go {shoulder, knee, ... }. She gets to learn her body parts {even the ones she can't see} and pose for the camera in the process {another favorite}.

{Piggy Paint} Natural Nail Polish Review

My daughter was watching me put eyeshadow on the other day {A SUPER rare occurrence in this house.} and wanted some of her own. I had some obvious reservations about putting makeup on her face, but there was a bottle of nail polish on the counter so I thought 'what the heck?' and began to paint her nails.

She sat there patiently as I put a tiny drop on each of her adorable little nails. Never wiggled or got bored. Enthralled in the idea that her fingers were now a pretty pale pink. When I was done she immediately went to show daddy, proud of her new look. 

A few days later I returned home from work to a toddler with that same pretty pink color on her hands and arms. Daddy had tried to paint her nails. {Insert 'awww' here, I know, I know.} 

Since then she's brought me the bottle a few times, but I'm super hesitant to continue this because of the strong odor nail polish has. It just can not be good for you, and certainly isn't good for a young developing set of lungs and brain. 

So the hunt began. We went shopping, and you would be amazed at the looks I got when I asked in store after store if they sold a natural or low odor nail polish. You would have thought I had asked for a paper free greeting card. Seriously. 

We ended up at Wal-Mart ... the least likely place, or so I thought. And that's where we found it ... 

                      Piggy Paint. 

  The slogan reads "As natural as mud."

                                                                                         I love this stuff {so far}. 

It smells natural, almost like mud, more accurately like clay, there's no harshness or offensiveness to it. The colors are super cute, vibrant pinks and purples {or that's what Wal-Mart carried}. The first ingredient listed is water. Plain. Simple. Water. It's non-toxic, eco friendly, and hypoallergenic. Makes me feel alot better about my daughter putting her fingers in her mouth {to eat dirt} after they're painted. 

So how does it work? It only took two coats to get a smooth perfect finish that dries to the touch in less than 60 seconds {two rounds of the ABC song per the website. Hee hee} and I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher just minutes after it dried without a chip or scratch to be found. Amazing if you ask me. 

I bought these for my daughter, but you better believe I will be using them as well. We'll see how it holds up to the hand sanitizers at work. {That's the true test.}

And what is more adorable than a little girls pink fingernails?

{Visit their website here.}

We also purchased the polish remover. I love that the main ingredient is corn alcohol, nothing too awful AND it too doesn't have an offensive odor. It works great, especially to get the excess polish off the skin from the wiggles. I used a Q-tip to do this.

All in all, so far, great product!! So glad I found it!

What I've learned from George Zimmerman & Trayvon Martin

I'm sorry but I'm so over the Zimmerman/Martin thing. 

First, I {and I assume many of you} haven't combed the evidence or listened word for word to the trial and obviously weren't there so I feel we really have no say or valid opinion in the matter {that's why we have a jury and lawyers} but more importantly the idea that he was judged by his skin color or dress or actions is not a novel idea. It's been happening since the dawn of day. Is it sad, yes. But honestly it's a matter of survival. 
                           You don't go with the funny looking man offering you candy. 

                                                                    He might be an upstanding citizen, you don't do it. 

What I have taken away from this and what I will teach my daughter is that you should be cautious, after all it's a different world out there, but be cautious about your caution. And for heavens sake leave the situation if you can. Let people be {unless they're carrying a machine gun and yelling at the neighbors of course, and then just call 911 and walk the other way}.

Have frank conversations with your children. You will be judged by your color, no matter what color you are. I'm sorry, but there's a reason I take my African American friends with me to some restaurants, I they know this. The fact that they are okay with it solidifies my beliefs that when I walk in the majority of the patrons are going to think "what is that white woman doing here?" It's okay, I am aware of the situation, I still want the good food so I bring a friend. 

You will be judged by your clothes, no matter what they are. Dress preppy and you're a rich prick who doesn't know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. Holes in your clothes, you don't have enough money to buy new. Pants sagging, clearly you don't abide by the law. The list goes on. 

You will be judged by your actions. Give the homeless man a few bucks and you think you're better than him, don't give it to him and your stingy. 

But above all teach them to think before they judge. 

You're children are going to judge their playmates, their family, the patrons at the grocery store. That's okay. They should, again it's a matter of survival to form opinions about those around you. Teach them to think it through. You think the woman in line in front of you is friendly or mean, why? Is it because of what she's wearing? Why? Because of something she said or did? How did it make you feel?

Teach your children to be insightful. Ask them what their first opinion of strangers is and then ask them 'why?'. 

I equate it to teaching teens abstinence. It's not enough to simply say 'dont have sex'. They're going to, teach them to be safe, the emotions that come along with the actions, and the consquensces. 

They're going to judge, teach them to judge with thought, with reason, with solid foundations. Not because someone else thinks so. 

Teach your children to think. This is what's going to change how we treat each other. 

Be Careful ...

It's official. I've become my mother.

Well kinda.

It happened today, my daughter turned to me with pride in her eyes as she handed me a rock. A rock the size of her head. All I could see was the rock falling on her fragile little toes and the unbearable pain that would ensue.

      So naturally the first words out of my mouth ...

                                         "Careful, it's heavy."

                                          Careful. Not "good job", not "nice rock".
          Nothing encouraging, careful.

When I thought about it, it crushed me. She was so proud and I stole that from her.

My husband gets on me all the time about it. The first thing out of my mouth is never encouragement or 'ad-a-boys' but words of caution and trepidation. I love my mother dearly, but it occurred to me that this is one of the things that bothers me so much about her. All my life, every big event shared has been followed by a 'but', or 'if' or 'be careful'. My thunder is stolen each time.

I know that just as it does from me, it comes from a place of love and concern, but it doesn't feel like love, it feels like distrust. Like you're not good enough.

Clearly my daughter {or husband or friends or myself} are not doing things to intentionally hurt themselves, do they really need my warning? My job as a mother is to encourage exploration and growth and am I really doing that when the first thing I say is "be careful".

So from here on out I vow to respond with pride and encouragement. I vow to assume that the loved ones around me are being careful. I vow to intervene when danger ensues and not give heads of warning.We will continue to use the phrase "careful feet" as she runs toward the drop off of a curb, or "careful hands" as she reaches for something prickly. That is where it will end. No more will I crush her pride with words of caution.

I vow to try. *smile*

Trials and tribulations of the beach ...

Family vacation number one. Well actually number two, but she was only 4 months old the first round. So in essence, family vacation number one.

So a little background for those of you that may be new. Madison is 13 months old {14 by time I got around to writing this}, walking and highly energetic. Highly. Energetic.

Challenge number one was getting to the beach. And timing became more of a challenge than we thought it would be. The night before she starting running low grade fevers and had a nasty cough. A good nights sleep was out of the question. Sigh.

Our plan was to wake around 7, like usual, breakfast, play, finish packing and leave around 10-11 when she usually goes down for her first nap. Ha. Plans. She woke at 5am because she couldn't stop coughing, we played and packed and then went to breakfast and before we knew it it was 7am and she wanted a nap. 7 am. Really?!?! Did I mention that check in wasn't until 4pm. Leaving at 7 would mean we had 9 hours to kill and a 4 hr drive.

So we managed to keep her up until 8 while we hectically packed and planned for caregivers for the cat. Moral of the story, pack the car the night before. Let me say that again: Pack the car the night before!

Loading her bag. 

I had also planned out all kinds of places to stop on the way assuming she would be awake most of the time. Including a 'Cement store' that is now apparently closed. Oops. Knowing that Madison's favorite place to play is Home Depot, I knew our stops didn't have to be fancy, and the ACE Hardware store made a perfect place to play and get out some wiggles. {She ended up sleeping for all but the last 30 mins of the drive.}

To entertain her for the last part of the drive I loaded her bag {the crochet one pictured} with toys. And handed her the whole bag. 2 mins occupied trying to get the item out of the bag, 5-10mins occupied with each item. 5 items can keep her busy for quite a while.

All in all the drive there was not nearly as stressful as I had anticipated, nor was the drive home. We left at bedtime, meaning she slept the entire ride, and I refused to stop and let my hubby pee. Sorry 'bout your luck. *Smile*

Our time at the beach was a bit more tricky. One thing I did learn was that with a small child, it's even more important than ever to choose your vaca-mates wisely. Especially if you would like to have a little mommy or daddy time, something mommy got very little of this trip.

Many of you wanted to know how she'd do at the beach, and to be quite honest I half expected a scared and clingy girl. After all think about it, if you were only 2 ft tall with the wind and the waves and all those loud sounds that we've grown to know as comforting (waves, seagulls, children screaming with delight), it's all a bit disorienting. Madison however, loved LOVED it all! The wind, the waves, the sand, the cold water {for a minute}, all of it.

Pause for a photo break *smile*

Tidal pools are AMAZING places to play. The warm clear water allows for
collecting shells and water play.

So surprised she kept her shades on.

Cold water ... really cold water. 

Building sand castles with the best of them. 

"Dad, where did my feet go?"

Logs, another source of entertainment, who knew?

Found a friend. 

So tips we learned with a 1 year old at the beach? 

1} Keep plans open. Nap times tend to be really unpredictable. Really. Unpredictable. She would sleep for 5 minutes some times and then hours others, at odd times. Late naps that at home would push back bedtime only made for an earlier bedtime. Let nothing surprize you.

2} Seek out new ways to make the beach less ... harsh. This idea from Pintrest was great on those days when the water was just too cold for comfort. Use a shower curtain {we chose clear to maintain the sand look, dumb I know} to line a hole in the sand a make a pool. A lot less work than taking a blow up pool. No one had to blow it up, only dig a little hole.

3} It does take a village. Like I said before, choose your vaca-mates carefully. In order for everyone to have a good time, you need help. Try to be sure your fellow vacationers have some of the same goals and ideas in mind as you do, it will make things a lot smoother.

4} INVEST IN A FULL LENGTH RASH GUARD. Yes I meant that in all caps. Sand gets everywhere, EVERYWHERE. I didn't purchase one because of the expense, but I wish I had of, and will be for all subsequent beach trips until ... well forever if I can help it.

5} Baby powder is a life saver. I was skeptical, I admit. It takes sand right off! No joke. Well actually it absorbs all the water from the sand that makes it sticky and it just brushes right off. This {and maybe only this} allowed us to continue cloth diapering at the beach without fear of never ending sand in the diapers.

Yea, that right, these crazy parents cloth diapered at the beach. Heck why not. Cheaper than swim diapers and there's no chlorine to mess them up. I say go for it. We did skimp on the inserts when we knew we were going right out the beach and back.

Although Mom and Dad were stressed out and burnt out at the end of the week, Madison had an amazing time at the beach, and in the end, that is all that matters.





I'll leave you with a little breastfeeding hooray. A little snack on the beach. {And no, I did not spend money on a nursing suit, I just found a 'strapless' that I added a strap too. Works just as well.}

To Vax or Not to Vax

I'm only tackling one vaccine here, the one I'm struggling the most with, Varicella, or Chicken Pox.

When we started doctors visits and vaccinations, I thought "of course I'm going to vaccinate my little girl, it's selfish not to." It never occurred to me that it didn't have to be an all or nothing adventure. It never occurred to me that I could choose some vaccines and not others.

Retrospectively I did feel a little bullied into some of them, rotovirus for example. I would have chosen for her to have given time to think about it, but at the time I didn't feel I had time to think about it.

Anyway, to give the pox vax or not?
                                 Yes?
                                                     No?
                                                                         Later?


Again, bring on the research.

Let's start with how this whole vaccine thing works. They inject either a inactive {dead} or live form of the virus into your body tricking your immune system into thinking you've contracted the disease. This causes your immune system to make antibodies toward the disease, these antibodies protect you if you are exposed to the disease in the future. In short you get the benefits of being exposed to the disease without the pesky symptoms {i.e. chicken pox blisters}.

So what's really in these vaccines?

     {1} The virus. Okay I understand that. But how do they get that virus into the vial in first place?

     {2} Remnant DNA and other material from the cultivation of the vaccine. They take the live virus from an    infected child and {in simple terms, see the detailed explanation here} grow the live vaccine in different issues. Parts of these tissues stick around.

     {3} And according to Merck {remember there are other manufactures, this is just one} Inactive Ingredients: sucrose, hydrolyzed gelatin, sodium chloride, monosodium L-glutamate, sodium phosphate dibasic, potassium phosphate monobasic, potassium chloride, residual components of MRC-5 cells including DNA and protein, sodium phosphate monobasic, EDTA, neomycin, fetal bovine serum.

Does all of this stuff really need to be in my kid?

Okay, devils advocate. But if she gets the chicken pox it can be serious. Can, can be. Strep can be serious, are we rushing to vaccinate against that? What are the numbers?

In 1992 there were 158,000. Of these 100 deaths occurred, and more than half of them were in adults {nvic.org}. So 158,000 cases and 157,900 of them were fine. Before the vaccine, 3.7 million cases were estimated to occur annually.

Alright, so there's a bunch of stuff, including a live vaccine, in that syringe and the number of cases seem to be much improved, so why give it?

Well, it's kind of dicey. The cases are low ... because we have been vaccinating. In fact according to the CDC the number of cases has dropped 90%. So the chances of your little one getting wild {meaning not created for the vaccine} chicken pox is pretty low.

Furthermore, the vaccine isn't foolproof  It is only 44% effective against the disease of any severity, and 86% effective against moderate to severe disease, according the FDA as stated here.

But there's even more to the story. 

Okay great, we've kept our kids from getting the chicken pox. But what now? How long does it last? In short, we don't know. But according to Dr. Sears, our best guess is 13-20 years. I gave it to my child at 1 and 3 years old, now she's 23 and no longer immune? And the pox is at greatest risk for complications as an adult! What the what?!? How is that a good idea? Oh wait, no worries, the drug companies will come out with a booster, they'll make more money. No need to get your panties in wad. {Sigh}

And I have to add this dandy little article because it made me laugh. Out. Loud. Have fun Americans, the UK is waiting to see what happens here before they take the plunge. What, why didn't we do that? Oh yea, forgot drug companies, money. How silly of me.

There's still more. What's all this about the singles I've been hearing about? The concern is raised because shingles is a later outbreak of the same virus that was the chicken pox. It's believed that casual repeated exposure to the chicken pox virus helps protect against shingles development. But with the vaccine, no one's exposed {more than the little bit the vaccine does} so won't the virus that is the chicken pox vaccine we were injected with cause us all to develop shingles? No one knows. But no worries, there's a vaccine for that too.

Back to the original question. To vax or not to vax?

Unfortunately, the answer is that depends on where you live. I entered this arena a little to late to really have an opinion. Everyone else has taken that from me. Because we vaccinate everyone against the little buggers, there is a rare chance that my child will contract it naturally. Meaning my child will probably have to have the vaccine eventually anyway because she'll more than likely make it to adulthood without being able to tell her children about oatmeal baths, placing bandaids on every blister because they went into her insides {smile}, the horrible itchy mess that is the chicken pox. Our children will not have those memories.

The health system we have, that pushes vaccines for anything, has made it impossible for me to say no.

And that makes me sad.

Will I be giving the vaccine? Yes. 

Will it be now, at 1 year? No.

The vaccine is approved for children ages 12 months and up. 

No thanks, I'll wait until we're a little further from the minimum age.

______________________________________

For those of you who also choose to vaccinate, I found this nifty tool that helps you decide the manufactures you'd like to use and combinations of vaccines to ensure you give the least amount of extra stuffs.

http://www.vaccine-tlc.org/index.html

What Madison has taught me.

I still cannot believe it's been a year. It's been a crazy, exciting, emotional, long yet so short, year.

In twelve short months Madison has gone from a 'blob', as her daddy so affectionately called her, that had little muscle control and even fewer communication skills, to a walking running, babbling toddler that uses different cries and signals for different needs, words for different items, and {usually} expresses herself quite clearly, if you know what your listening for.

A few things haven't changed. She still is a cuddly as she was the day we met her. Along the way, she's taught me just as much as I've attempted to teach her. Here are a few of the big ones.




Things My One Year Old Taught Me

1} Sleep is over rated. Anyone who knows me, knows I do love to sleep. And there are still nights that Madison decides 3 am is a perfect time for a dance party or to practice her climbing skills that leave me a little frustrated and begging her to sleep. I have come to realize that this is usually because I feel I need this precious sleep to undertake whatever tasks lie ahead, same reason we get frustrated when we can't sleep. In reality, I have functioned on far less sleep. Flash back to college for a second, I am positive a few of those tests were taken on mere hours of sleep, if that. I have learned to take a deep breath and enjoy the time together in the darkness. After all, each of those perfect smiles are a gift. If she can't sleep at 3 am, and has chosen to spend that time cuddling with and climbing on me, I should appreciate it, to relish in our quiet time together. I'm still learning this one, by the way.

2} If it's not fun, don't do it. Madison is quite the independent little girl, and there is little in life that truly ruffles her feathers. She is even tempered, cheerful, and a beam of light. Sure, occasionally she gets upset because she can't have mommy's phone while she's enduring minute 14 of IRS hold music, but she recovers quickly. That being said, she will let you know if doesn't find whatever you are trying to make her do fun. I've really tried to embrace this. If something in my life isn't making me happy, if I don't enjoy it, I'm no longer going to do it. Yep, this is the reason I recently took a new position. I laughed during my interview and peer interview, and that is hard to come by. From here on out, if it's not play, I ain't doing it.

3} What's the point if I can't use it? Clothes, toys, dishes, furniture, anything really. I've lived my life so worried about getting clothes stained, breaking dishes, denting tables... you get the point. Madison plays hard, and things get destroyed in the process. But she has fun, and lots of it! So what if my favorite dress gets stained? It means I enjoyed wearing it. So what if my favorite toy gets broken? Again I had fun with it. So break out the fine china for Tuesday night dinner and wear your favorite dress to a BBQ. Furthermore  she has taught me that just because it no longer looks/acts like it did when it came out of the box doesn't mean you can't still have fun with it!

4} People have feelings. This is probably the biggest thing I've learned this year, and it's more than you think. People have feelings and you never know how what you say and do is taken. This lesson came in a more indirect way. We all need to be careful how we react to each other and to our children. Emotions and opinions should be respected, not belittled. Be open minded and caring. And let people have their feelings. During a conversation today I was telling a story of how Madison bumped her head or somehow hurt herself, and how she got upset, had some momma snuggles, and then went back to playing. I hadn't thought about it really, but she had a good point. She was okay because she was allowed to have her feelings, to share them, to feel listened to. That's all we ever want, to feel listened to.

5} Love everything! To it's fullest! No matter how small, menial, insignificant, large, overwhelming it may be, love it!

The days have been long, but the year short. I know it's cliche, but try to breathe it all in and enjoy every moment. They don't last long. I find myself missing 2am feedings that lasted 40 mins, feeling the love and need that those little eyes had for me.

Citrus Lane March Review

Citrus Lane is a subscription service a friend of mine turned me onto. I had previously tried Bluum and wasn't thrilled with it, but she kept insisting that Citrus Lane offered a better box. So I took the plung, again because I got a great deal.

You just can't keep me away from a great deal.

Here's a shot of the open box with all it's goodies. {Which I'm so glad I took because I can't find the insert that has the item list and the goodies are now scattered near and far.}

Contents {With Amazon Prices}

$20 off JustFab.com

JustFab.com is subscription shoe site, they claim you answer a style quiz and they select styles that you'd like. Every item is $39.95 so with this coupon $19.95. I may use it to try to find some cute boots but otherwise it will probably be given to a friend. 

Green Sprouts Easy-To-Go Feeding Set $1.50

This set is great, if you're feeding purees. It comes with a disposable bib, spoon, wipe, and feeding guide. We will use it for the bib and wipe but the spoon will probably get thrown in the drawer. 

Wee Gallery Art Cards $13

These are fun little cards. They each feature a patterned black and white animal, such as a lion, with reverse colors on the back of the card. I would have been great visual stimulation at a early age, but I'm not sure how much use we will get out of them, other than as an added source of fiber in her diet. We have been using them to teach animal sounds, however, since you don't see jungle animals in many of our books. {Could someone please tell me what the zebra says?}

Begin Again Green Ring Teether $10

Great product! Love the natural wood and rubber combo. Madison loves how easy it is to hold and chews on it often. I only wish it were shaped to help with those molars she's trying to break free. Surely would recommend this product!

Weleda Calendula Weather Protection Creme $12

THE. BEST. STUFF. EVER! Yes, I said it. But we haven't used it for it's intended use yet. Madison has a irritation on her chin from all the drooling of teething mixed with dry weather. At points it's made me hurt to just look at it. We've been doing breastmilk and coconut oil on it with minimal results. Usually it clears up and comes back in a day or two. 

However! We put this on it the day we got it and it almost immediately looked better. It forms a great barrier so the drool never gets to the skin to irritate it. Her little chin looks a million times better since we've been using this. My husband has used it for his cracked hands with relief. I'm always on the hunt for natural products that work and this one is a hit. I will be buying a bigger bottle. 

NurturMe Food Packets + Recipe Card $3

We haven't used these yet, so I can't speak to the taste, but I love the idea. They're packets of dried, powdered friuts and vegetables that you can either mix with breastmilk, formula, or water to make a puree, or sprinkle on their foods for added nutrition. {Who said Mac-N-Cheese wasn't good for you? Veggies with your eggs? Yes, please.}

Over all I was very pleased with the selections. I like that they include coupon codes for future purchases of most of the items. Again, I can't pass up a good deal. My only complaint is that the items were geared toward the lower end of her age range, but I am still looking forward to what will be in our next box! 

P.S. Use coupon code TAKEHALF to get your first box for half price!!

Wittlebee Review - Maybe next time?

I was beyond excited to receive our first Wittlebee box this month.

They promise 5-6 articles of clothing each month. You enter your child's age, size, color preferences (in categories, black and white, pastels, etc.), and what type of articles you need (long sleeve, short sleeve, pants, dresses, etc.)

Once they have the months selections narrowed, you are able to choose 3 articles to be put in your box. I loved this feature, because you knew you'd be getting something you liked and gave you a little more to look forward to.

It shipped in a reasonable time, and arrived earlier than expected, which was great considering we have birthday coming up and I was hoping to be able to use some of the clothes. 

Once we opened the box, I was immediately a little disappointed.

These three articles are the ones we choose to be placed in the box.

Just the right set of leggings, but you can begin to see my disappointment.

 Along with the leggings on the left, the next two items they choose.

 I'm a little perturbed that I received the same 2 outfits in different colors. It is a cute outfit, don't get me wrong, and we will use it often. However, since I was able to choose them, I feel I should have gotten a little more variety.

That being said, I am very impressed by the brands: Tea Collection, Trish Scullly, and Threadless, and clothing retails for $177. The quality is great, they're all very soft and well made, and 100% cotton! Not bad since we paid a promotional $5.99 for our first box.

I will give them one more month, but I feel if next month has the same issue of repeated articles in different colors, I may cancel my subscription.

Are We Helping? Or Hurting?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: It's hard being a new mom!

Recently in a discussion with a coworker about what does and doesn't work for our family and other's opinions on the matter, someone listening in interjected with a comment that rings so true.

No matter what you're doing, you're doing it wrong.

The reason I started this blog was to help others, to educate and teach, and to write therapeutically for myself. I've spoken with several soon-to-be-first-time-moms recently and I hear a lot of the same opinions, thoughts, and information that lead me to tears as a new mom.

I was a great sleeper as a baby, surely this baby will be to. 
            I never cried, Mom said I was a perfect child. Babies do great on feeding schedules. 
                                                      We'll still be able to do what we want, just take baby along. 
                                 Babies eat every 3-4 hour, and should sleep through the night. 
             You need to train her to sleep. 
                                  It's good for a child to cry, it expands their lungs. 
                   You need to get that child out of your bed. Why won't she sleep in her own crib. 

It's not these alone that brought me to tears as a new mom. It was these coupled with a newborn that didn't fit in the neat package that I had envisioned from hearing all these things, and the flood of hormones.

There are so many things that are going to make you question yourself as a new mom, why are we mothers {and non mothers} adding to that?

I get it, practices such as sleep training and exclusive formula feeding rose out of necessity. Mom had to go back to work, Dad's income, if he was around, was no longer cutting it. I do not fault, or look down on, or have anything negative to say about families that choose these methods, within the appropriate developmental stages.

It's casual comments we make, "babies wake every 3-4 hrs to eat" that are doing our new mothers-to-be an injustice. We're giving them, sometimes, unrealistic expectations and then offering unrealistic means to meet them.

At our 6 month check up our doctor, a mother of 4 herself, stated that Madison should be sleeping through the night, and that to ensure that we needed to put her in the crib awake and allow her to self sooth to sleep. I said okay. Then my husband and I joked about it in the car.

But what about the new mom, scared, with little support and even less knowledge of what 'normal' is in the newborn. It's a doctor, an experienced mother, surely she knows what's right. And what ensues is several nights of a screaming baby, stressed out parents, and even less sleep than before.

Am I saying every child should sleep in bed with its parents, be worn constantly, breastfed until their 6, and never be told 'no'. Absolutely not. I'm saying we need to be more realistic, and to do that, we need to be attached to our children. We need to listen to them from the first breath they take. Pay attention to their cries and meet their needs, whether they're in line with our needs or not.

We need to rethink 'normal'.

Before I had Madison I wish I had heard very different things.

Babies cry, they eat a lot, they want to be held, and that's okay. You cannot spoil a baby, hold them all day if that's what they need. Every child is different, some want more physical contact than others, listen to your child. 

The point is, to all of you new moms, mothers-to-be, and experiences moms, stop listening to all the opinions and advice and listen to your child.  Your child does not have wants, she has needs. Meet them. It may mean you have a to adjust your life, but once they're met, everything will be better, for everyone.

Fabric Tutu

Before I added the tulle.

I was looking for something soft and feminine, fun and flirty yet different for my daughters one year photos coming up.

One year photos, did I really just say those words? Has it really been a year? This tutu was the inspiration for what we came up with. I couldn't find any 'how tos' that gave the look I wanted so I have created my own.

I used a mini stack, pre-cut quilting fabric, from Hobby Lobby and added some scraps that I had to give it a little more variation. The mini stacks come in 22x6in rectangles, which worked perfect for my 1 yr old. {Again, one, wow.} The fabric is attached to a piece of 1in ribbon with a slip knot. I tried attaching the ribbons as a rectangle and didn't like the harsh look it gave, too boxy and rigid. So I experimented with cutting them. I found the shape below gave the softest look, without looking like I tried too hard to achieve it, if you know what I mean.



First, Cut one corner on a 45 degree angle.

Then flip the fabric and cut the other side at the same 45 degree angle.

The resulting shape should look like this:

I then alternated the fabrics in a random pattern, attaching each one with a slip knot and ensuring the knots went in the same direction. I added a few pieces of tulle to soften it up a little more. These I left in rectangles to give them more body.

This was the finished product. 

After her photos, I'll add some of her wearing it, but that you have to wait for. *wink*

The Natural Method

We cannot train our babies not to need us. Whether it is in the middle of the day or the middle of the night, their needs are real and valid, including the simple need for human touch. A 'trained' baby may give p on his needs being met, but the need is still there, just not the trust. {L.R. Knots}

I know the whole CIO {Cry It Out} is a controversial topic and I know I said before that every family/child is different and should do what is right for them, but this is one thing I cannot do.

Closely tied to the CIO debate is co-sleeping and bed sharing. I feel I need to make a public service announcement here and say that co-sleeping is NOT the same as bed sharing. See this post for more on that. We also bed share, an option I am we'll aware is not for everyone. My husband and I happen to agree and want to.

If you read the studies closely they say that they cannot determine harm done, not that it isn't, but that they really don't know. Partially because every child is different to begin with and partially because a true control is not possible {For you nonsciency types in short you'd basically have to subject the same child to a CIO routine and then to a non CIO routine at the same time - not possible.} 

I have read article after article and research on top of research regarding this issue. I went on a search again for this post to link to those articles and I had to stop because the first article I found stated that they left children to cry all day, they changed and fed them and if they were still crying they were left to calm themselves, all day. It made me want to vomit thinking of those tiny children.

So here's what I remember, and I may go on another hunt a little later. Children wake for a reason. They wake because their small and immature stomachs need to be fed often. They wake because their small and immature respiratory systems need a gentle reminder every now and then. And until they are older, they need help comforting back to sleep. Babies aren't born knowing how to relax, they must be taught.

They are young and don't know why you have decided not to comfort them, it being dark doesn't make sense to them.

Of course, once the child develops reasoning, I can understand all bets being off. But until then. They need comfort and support 24 hours a day. Your role as a parent does not end because the lights were turned off.

But science aside, here's why I cannot do it.

A friend of mine had a great point recently, "If it were 11am when she was crying, you would go over, determine what she needed and supply that need, why then would I not do that because it's 11pm?"

Nursing my daughter to sleep melts my heart every night. Having her snuggle next to me and fall asleep makes us both happy and relaxed and who doesn't want to end their day happy and relaxed.

Sure she still wakes at night, but I love that she knows I'm coming to get her. There is no screaming just enough fuss to get my attention and then she lays her head on my shoulder as we go back to bed to nurse, after which she falls right to sleep. Without a pacifier. And most of you know that also means I don't have to keep waking to give her the lost pacifier back.

I refuse to let her cry it out because the thought of her lying in her crib alone and confused, wondering why mom and dad have left her breaks my heart. I don't care if it's only for a few hours, minutes, seconds, to think of her feeling that kind of hurt and rejection at such a young age any age breaks my heart and I will not allow it.

At 11 months old, she is an extremely happy, well adjusted baby girl. Everywhere we go she makes friends. She is comfortable enough, knowing that mom and dad will always be there for her, to approach complete strangers and crawl into their laps. {This happened at Home Depot recently, the employee seemed to welcome the break surprised that this laughing bundle of energy was so friendly.}

So to those that say she needs to sleep through the night, she will on her own time. That she needs to sleep in her own bed, she will on her own time. And if that means we have a four year old between us in bed, so be it. It will not 'ruin' our marriage, it will strengthen our family. Isn't that why we had a child in the first place, to have a family?

I can't imagine a universe that I wouldn't want to wake next to my smiling beautiful girl and my amazing husband. Who wouldn't want to start the day with that?

Madison and her BFF, Charlotte.

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For more information check out: http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleepstudies/