What Madison has taught me.

I still cannot believe it's been a year. It's been a crazy, exciting, emotional, long yet so short, year.

In twelve short months Madison has gone from a 'blob', as her daddy so affectionately called her, that had little muscle control and even fewer communication skills, to a walking running, babbling toddler that uses different cries and signals for different needs, words for different items, and {usually} expresses herself quite clearly, if you know what your listening for.

A few things haven't changed. She still is a cuddly as she was the day we met her. Along the way, she's taught me just as much as I've attempted to teach her. Here are a few of the big ones.




Things My One Year Old Taught Me

1} Sleep is over rated. Anyone who knows me, knows I do love to sleep. And there are still nights that Madison decides 3 am is a perfect time for a dance party or to practice her climbing skills that leave me a little frustrated and begging her to sleep. I have come to realize that this is usually because I feel I need this precious sleep to undertake whatever tasks lie ahead, same reason we get frustrated when we can't sleep. In reality, I have functioned on far less sleep. Flash back to college for a second, I am positive a few of those tests were taken on mere hours of sleep, if that. I have learned to take a deep breath and enjoy the time together in the darkness. After all, each of those perfect smiles are a gift. If she can't sleep at 3 am, and has chosen to spend that time cuddling with and climbing on me, I should appreciate it, to relish in our quiet time together. I'm still learning this one, by the way.

2} If it's not fun, don't do it. Madison is quite the independent little girl, and there is little in life that truly ruffles her feathers. She is even tempered, cheerful, and a beam of light. Sure, occasionally she gets upset because she can't have mommy's phone while she's enduring minute 14 of IRS hold music, but she recovers quickly. That being said, she will let you know if doesn't find whatever you are trying to make her do fun. I've really tried to embrace this. If something in my life isn't making me happy, if I don't enjoy it, I'm no longer going to do it. Yep, this is the reason I recently took a new position. I laughed during my interview and peer interview, and that is hard to come by. From here on out, if it's not play, I ain't doing it.

3} What's the point if I can't use it? Clothes, toys, dishes, furniture, anything really. I've lived my life so worried about getting clothes stained, breaking dishes, denting tables... you get the point. Madison plays hard, and things get destroyed in the process. But she has fun, and lots of it! So what if my favorite dress gets stained? It means I enjoyed wearing it. So what if my favorite toy gets broken? Again I had fun with it. So break out the fine china for Tuesday night dinner and wear your favorite dress to a BBQ. Furthermore  she has taught me that just because it no longer looks/acts like it did when it came out of the box doesn't mean you can't still have fun with it!

4} People have feelings. This is probably the biggest thing I've learned this year, and it's more than you think. People have feelings and you never know how what you say and do is taken. This lesson came in a more indirect way. We all need to be careful how we react to each other and to our children. Emotions and opinions should be respected, not belittled. Be open minded and caring. And let people have their feelings. During a conversation today I was telling a story of how Madison bumped her head or somehow hurt herself, and how she got upset, had some momma snuggles, and then went back to playing. I hadn't thought about it really, but she had a good point. She was okay because she was allowed to have her feelings, to share them, to feel listened to. That's all we ever want, to feel listened to.

5} Love everything! To it's fullest! No matter how small, menial, insignificant, large, overwhelming it may be, love it!

The days have been long, but the year short. I know it's cliche, but try to breathe it all in and enjoy every moment. They don't last long. I find myself missing 2am feedings that lasted 40 mins, feeling the love and need that those little eyes had for me.

Citrus Lane March Review

Citrus Lane is a subscription service a friend of mine turned me onto. I had previously tried Bluum and wasn't thrilled with it, but she kept insisting that Citrus Lane offered a better box. So I took the plung, again because I got a great deal.

You just can't keep me away from a great deal.

Here's a shot of the open box with all it's goodies. {Which I'm so glad I took because I can't find the insert that has the item list and the goodies are now scattered near and far.}

Contents {With Amazon Prices}

$20 off JustFab.com

JustFab.com is subscription shoe site, they claim you answer a style quiz and they select styles that you'd like. Every item is $39.95 so with this coupon $19.95. I may use it to try to find some cute boots but otherwise it will probably be given to a friend. 

Green Sprouts Easy-To-Go Feeding Set $1.50

This set is great, if you're feeding purees. It comes with a disposable bib, spoon, wipe, and feeding guide. We will use it for the bib and wipe but the spoon will probably get thrown in the drawer. 

Wee Gallery Art Cards $13

These are fun little cards. They each feature a patterned black and white animal, such as a lion, with reverse colors on the back of the card. I would have been great visual stimulation at a early age, but I'm not sure how much use we will get out of them, other than as an added source of fiber in her diet. We have been using them to teach animal sounds, however, since you don't see jungle animals in many of our books. {Could someone please tell me what the zebra says?}

Begin Again Green Ring Teether $10

Great product! Love the natural wood and rubber combo. Madison loves how easy it is to hold and chews on it often. I only wish it were shaped to help with those molars she's trying to break free. Surely would recommend this product!

Weleda Calendula Weather Protection Creme $12

THE. BEST. STUFF. EVER! Yes, I said it. But we haven't used it for it's intended use yet. Madison has a irritation on her chin from all the drooling of teething mixed with dry weather. At points it's made me hurt to just look at it. We've been doing breastmilk and coconut oil on it with minimal results. Usually it clears up and comes back in a day or two. 

However! We put this on it the day we got it and it almost immediately looked better. It forms a great barrier so the drool never gets to the skin to irritate it. Her little chin looks a million times better since we've been using this. My husband has used it for his cracked hands with relief. I'm always on the hunt for natural products that work and this one is a hit. I will be buying a bigger bottle. 

NurturMe Food Packets + Recipe Card $3

We haven't used these yet, so I can't speak to the taste, but I love the idea. They're packets of dried, powdered friuts and vegetables that you can either mix with breastmilk, formula, or water to make a puree, or sprinkle on their foods for added nutrition. {Who said Mac-N-Cheese wasn't good for you? Veggies with your eggs? Yes, please.}

Over all I was very pleased with the selections. I like that they include coupon codes for future purchases of most of the items. Again, I can't pass up a good deal. My only complaint is that the items were geared toward the lower end of her age range, but I am still looking forward to what will be in our next box! 

P.S. Use coupon code TAKEHALF to get your first box for half price!!

Wittlebee Review - Maybe next time?

I was beyond excited to receive our first Wittlebee box this month.

They promise 5-6 articles of clothing each month. You enter your child's age, size, color preferences (in categories, black and white, pastels, etc.), and what type of articles you need (long sleeve, short sleeve, pants, dresses, etc.)

Once they have the months selections narrowed, you are able to choose 3 articles to be put in your box. I loved this feature, because you knew you'd be getting something you liked and gave you a little more to look forward to.

It shipped in a reasonable time, and arrived earlier than expected, which was great considering we have birthday coming up and I was hoping to be able to use some of the clothes. 

Once we opened the box, I was immediately a little disappointed.

These three articles are the ones we choose to be placed in the box.

Just the right set of leggings, but you can begin to see my disappointment.

 Along with the leggings on the left, the next two items they choose.

 I'm a little perturbed that I received the same 2 outfits in different colors. It is a cute outfit, don't get me wrong, and we will use it often. However, since I was able to choose them, I feel I should have gotten a little more variety.

That being said, I am very impressed by the brands: Tea Collection, Trish Scullly, and Threadless, and clothing retails for $177. The quality is great, they're all very soft and well made, and 100% cotton! Not bad since we paid a promotional $5.99 for our first box.

I will give them one more month, but I feel if next month has the same issue of repeated articles in different colors, I may cancel my subscription.

Are We Helping? Or Hurting?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: It's hard being a new mom!

Recently in a discussion with a coworker about what does and doesn't work for our family and other's opinions on the matter, someone listening in interjected with a comment that rings so true.

No matter what you're doing, you're doing it wrong.

The reason I started this blog was to help others, to educate and teach, and to write therapeutically for myself. I've spoken with several soon-to-be-first-time-moms recently and I hear a lot of the same opinions, thoughts, and information that lead me to tears as a new mom.

I was a great sleeper as a baby, surely this baby will be to. 
            I never cried, Mom said I was a perfect child. Babies do great on feeding schedules. 
                                                      We'll still be able to do what we want, just take baby along. 
                                 Babies eat every 3-4 hour, and should sleep through the night. 
             You need to train her to sleep. 
                                  It's good for a child to cry, it expands their lungs. 
                   You need to get that child out of your bed. Why won't she sleep in her own crib. 

It's not these alone that brought me to tears as a new mom. It was these coupled with a newborn that didn't fit in the neat package that I had envisioned from hearing all these things, and the flood of hormones.

There are so many things that are going to make you question yourself as a new mom, why are we mothers {and non mothers} adding to that?

I get it, practices such as sleep training and exclusive formula feeding rose out of necessity. Mom had to go back to work, Dad's income, if he was around, was no longer cutting it. I do not fault, or look down on, or have anything negative to say about families that choose these methods, within the appropriate developmental stages.

It's casual comments we make, "babies wake every 3-4 hrs to eat" that are doing our new mothers-to-be an injustice. We're giving them, sometimes, unrealistic expectations and then offering unrealistic means to meet them.

At our 6 month check up our doctor, a mother of 4 herself, stated that Madison should be sleeping through the night, and that to ensure that we needed to put her in the crib awake and allow her to self sooth to sleep. I said okay. Then my husband and I joked about it in the car.

But what about the new mom, scared, with little support and even less knowledge of what 'normal' is in the newborn. It's a doctor, an experienced mother, surely she knows what's right. And what ensues is several nights of a screaming baby, stressed out parents, and even less sleep than before.

Am I saying every child should sleep in bed with its parents, be worn constantly, breastfed until their 6, and never be told 'no'. Absolutely not. I'm saying we need to be more realistic, and to do that, we need to be attached to our children. We need to listen to them from the first breath they take. Pay attention to their cries and meet their needs, whether they're in line with our needs or not.

We need to rethink 'normal'.

Before I had Madison I wish I had heard very different things.

Babies cry, they eat a lot, they want to be held, and that's okay. You cannot spoil a baby, hold them all day if that's what they need. Every child is different, some want more physical contact than others, listen to your child. 

The point is, to all of you new moms, mothers-to-be, and experiences moms, stop listening to all the opinions and advice and listen to your child.  Your child does not have wants, she has needs. Meet them. It may mean you have a to adjust your life, but once they're met, everything will be better, for everyone.

Fabric Tutu

Before I added the tulle.

I was looking for something soft and feminine, fun and flirty yet different for my daughters one year photos coming up.

One year photos, did I really just say those words? Has it really been a year? This tutu was the inspiration for what we came up with. I couldn't find any 'how tos' that gave the look I wanted so I have created my own.

I used a mini stack, pre-cut quilting fabric, from Hobby Lobby and added some scraps that I had to give it a little more variation. The mini stacks come in 22x6in rectangles, which worked perfect for my 1 yr old. {Again, one, wow.} The fabric is attached to a piece of 1in ribbon with a slip knot. I tried attaching the ribbons as a rectangle and didn't like the harsh look it gave, too boxy and rigid. So I experimented with cutting them. I found the shape below gave the softest look, without looking like I tried too hard to achieve it, if you know what I mean.



First, Cut one corner on a 45 degree angle.

Then flip the fabric and cut the other side at the same 45 degree angle.

The resulting shape should look like this:

I then alternated the fabrics in a random pattern, attaching each one with a slip knot and ensuring the knots went in the same direction. I added a few pieces of tulle to soften it up a little more. These I left in rectangles to give them more body.

This was the finished product. 

After her photos, I'll add some of her wearing it, but that you have to wait for. *wink*

The Natural Method

We cannot train our babies not to need us. Whether it is in the middle of the day or the middle of the night, their needs are real and valid, including the simple need for human touch. A 'trained' baby may give p on his needs being met, but the need is still there, just not the trust. {L.R. Knots}

I know the whole CIO {Cry It Out} is a controversial topic and I know I said before that every family/child is different and should do what is right for them, but this is one thing I cannot do.

Closely tied to the CIO debate is co-sleeping and bed sharing. I feel I need to make a public service announcement here and say that co-sleeping is NOT the same as bed sharing. See this post for more on that. We also bed share, an option I am we'll aware is not for everyone. My husband and I happen to agree and want to.

If you read the studies closely they say that they cannot determine harm done, not that it isn't, but that they really don't know. Partially because every child is different to begin with and partially because a true control is not possible {For you nonsciency types in short you'd basically have to subject the same child to a CIO routine and then to a non CIO routine at the same time - not possible.} 

I have read article after article and research on top of research regarding this issue. I went on a search again for this post to link to those articles and I had to stop because the first article I found stated that they left children to cry all day, they changed and fed them and if they were still crying they were left to calm themselves, all day. It made me want to vomit thinking of those tiny children.

So here's what I remember, and I may go on another hunt a little later. Children wake for a reason. They wake because their small and immature stomachs need to be fed often. They wake because their small and immature respiratory systems need a gentle reminder every now and then. And until they are older, they need help comforting back to sleep. Babies aren't born knowing how to relax, they must be taught.

They are young and don't know why you have decided not to comfort them, it being dark doesn't make sense to them.

Of course, once the child develops reasoning, I can understand all bets being off. But until then. They need comfort and support 24 hours a day. Your role as a parent does not end because the lights were turned off.

But science aside, here's why I cannot do it.

A friend of mine had a great point recently, "If it were 11am when she was crying, you would go over, determine what she needed and supply that need, why then would I not do that because it's 11pm?"

Nursing my daughter to sleep melts my heart every night. Having her snuggle next to me and fall asleep makes us both happy and relaxed and who doesn't want to end their day happy and relaxed.

Sure she still wakes at night, but I love that she knows I'm coming to get her. There is no screaming just enough fuss to get my attention and then she lays her head on my shoulder as we go back to bed to nurse, after which she falls right to sleep. Without a pacifier. And most of you know that also means I don't have to keep waking to give her the lost pacifier back.

I refuse to let her cry it out because the thought of her lying in her crib alone and confused, wondering why mom and dad have left her breaks my heart. I don't care if it's only for a few hours, minutes, seconds, to think of her feeling that kind of hurt and rejection at such a young age any age breaks my heart and I will not allow it.

At 11 months old, she is an extremely happy, well adjusted baby girl. Everywhere we go she makes friends. She is comfortable enough, knowing that mom and dad will always be there for her, to approach complete strangers and crawl into their laps. {This happened at Home Depot recently, the employee seemed to welcome the break surprised that this laughing bundle of energy was so friendly.}

So to those that say she needs to sleep through the night, she will on her own time. That she needs to sleep in her own bed, she will on her own time. And if that means we have a four year old between us in bed, so be it. It will not 'ruin' our marriage, it will strengthen our family. Isn't that why we had a child in the first place, to have a family?

I can't imagine a universe that I wouldn't want to wake next to my smiling beautiful girl and my amazing husband. Who wouldn't want to start the day with that?

Madison and her BFF, Charlotte.

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For more information check out: http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleepstudies/