The Natural Method

We cannot train our babies not to need us. Whether it is in the middle of the day or the middle of the night, their needs are real and valid, including the simple need for human touch. A 'trained' baby may give p on his needs being met, but the need is still there, just not the trust. {L.R. Knots}

I know the whole CIO {Cry It Out} is a controversial topic and I know I said before that every family/child is different and should do what is right for them, but this is one thing I cannot do.

Closely tied to the CIO debate is co-sleeping and bed sharing. I feel I need to make a public service announcement here and say that co-sleeping is NOT the same as bed sharing. See this post for more on that. We also bed share, an option I am we'll aware is not for everyone. My husband and I happen to agree and want to.

If you read the studies closely they say that they cannot determine harm done, not that it isn't, but that they really don't know. Partially because every child is different to begin with and partially because a true control is not possible {For you nonsciency types in short you'd basically have to subject the same child to a CIO routine and then to a non CIO routine at the same time - not possible.} 

I have read article after article and research on top of research regarding this issue. I went on a search again for this post to link to those articles and I had to stop because the first article I found stated that they left children to cry all day, they changed and fed them and if they were still crying they were left to calm themselves, all day. It made me want to vomit thinking of those tiny children.

So here's what I remember, and I may go on another hunt a little later. Children wake for a reason. They wake because their small and immature stomachs need to be fed often. They wake because their small and immature respiratory systems need a gentle reminder every now and then. And until they are older, they need help comforting back to sleep. Babies aren't born knowing how to relax, they must be taught.

They are young and don't know why you have decided not to comfort them, it being dark doesn't make sense to them.

Of course, once the child develops reasoning, I can understand all bets being off. But until then. They need comfort and support 24 hours a day. Your role as a parent does not end because the lights were turned off.

But science aside, here's why I cannot do it.

A friend of mine had a great point recently, "If it were 11am when she was crying, you would go over, determine what she needed and supply that need, why then would I not do that because it's 11pm?"

Nursing my daughter to sleep melts my heart every night. Having her snuggle next to me and fall asleep makes us both happy and relaxed and who doesn't want to end their day happy and relaxed.

Sure she still wakes at night, but I love that she knows I'm coming to get her. There is no screaming just enough fuss to get my attention and then she lays her head on my shoulder as we go back to bed to nurse, after which she falls right to sleep. Without a pacifier. And most of you know that also means I don't have to keep waking to give her the lost pacifier back.

I refuse to let her cry it out because the thought of her lying in her crib alone and confused, wondering why mom and dad have left her breaks my heart. I don't care if it's only for a few hours, minutes, seconds, to think of her feeling that kind of hurt and rejection at such a young age any age breaks my heart and I will not allow it.

At 11 months old, she is an extremely happy, well adjusted baby girl. Everywhere we go she makes friends. She is comfortable enough, knowing that mom and dad will always be there for her, to approach complete strangers and crawl into their laps. {This happened at Home Depot recently, the employee seemed to welcome the break surprised that this laughing bundle of energy was so friendly.}

So to those that say she needs to sleep through the night, she will on her own time. That she needs to sleep in her own bed, she will on her own time. And if that means we have a four year old between us in bed, so be it. It will not 'ruin' our marriage, it will strengthen our family. Isn't that why we had a child in the first place, to have a family?

I can't imagine a universe that I wouldn't want to wake next to my smiling beautiful girl and my amazing husband. Who wouldn't want to start the day with that?

Madison and her BFF, Charlotte.

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For more information check out: http://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleepstudies/