A little different each time ...

"I raised my own kids, you know."

We spent the day [well the time between naps] at my mother's house today. My aunt was also there, another mother herself. As I made decision after decision regarding the care of my daughter, I could see [and sometimes hear] the disapproving thoughts.

"She just put the whole thing in her mouth." Well yea, how else is she going to chew it.

"She fell, pick her up. It hurt her." She's not crying, she looked to me for a reaction I smiled and said "boom" as I do each time she falls, she realized it was O.K. and carried on with her business. If she had cries or looks hurt, I comfort her and explain what happened.

"She needs help standing." Yes, right now she does need help sometimes, but if I help her all the time she won't learn to do it herself.

Small things, really. But they made me think about all the big things we've disagreed on over the months. And then it made me think about all the mothers ...

As a nurse, I've come to realize that as a society we don't like gray. We like black, we like white, and any other color. But not gray. We want clear answers.

2 + 2 = 4. Always.

But sometimes 2 + 2 = 5, or 6, or 28 for that matter. It's not just that easy. Yep, once again we're back to breaking those molds.

Parenting is a lot like ... recovering from surgery. Baring any major complications, I can tell you for certain that you will get cut, you will hurt, and it will heal. But that's where the certainty ends. How long it will take, how much it will hurt, when you will heal, what the scar will look like, will you need more surgeries, and a million other questions I can't answer because it depends on you. I can give advice, make suggestions, tell you what has worked for other people, but it depends on you.

You will have a child [or children if you're lucky], you will teach them things, they will grow up. And that too is where the certainty ends. What you teach them, how you teach them, how they grow, what they eat, how they talk, when they walk, personality, the list goes on. No one can answer these questions. Again, we can give advice, make suggestions, tell you what has worked for us, but it depends on you, your family, your child(ren).

Back to my mother. I see a lot of defensiveness when I speak of our choices in learning with Madison. There are no 'bad' mothers, every involved parent is a 'good' parent. We each want what's best for our children and do the best we can with the information we have. And that is the difference these days. The information.

My mother got her information from her mother, friends, coworkers, and a few family members. The information we're using to make decisions has come from my mother, Scott's mother, friends, coworkers, family members, the internet, journals, books, research, research, and more research. I'm not in any way saying we're making 'better' choices these days, but we are making more informed choices. Again, doing what we feel is best with the information available.

We [mothers] need to stop comparing our decisions with others, feel empowered in being a mother, feel empowered in making those decisions, and know
                                                                            you are an amazing mom!

Listen to advice, know it worked for them, and decide whether you feel it would for you. The choices you make have to fit you, your family, your child. I wish 2 + 2 always equaled a happy, healthy, well adjusted child, but it rarely does. The equation is a little different each time.

Your moment of baby zen.