Co-sleeping vs Bed sharing, and why I'm for both.

I want to start with this simple statement:

Co-sleeping is not the same as bed sharing, and both can be safe.

Madison in her co sleeper.

Co-sleeping involves the child sleeping in the same 'space' as the parents. This 'space' encompasses the whole room. A child in their own crib feet from the parent's bed is still co-sleeping. And we all agree that a child in their own crib is safe, so we should all agree that co-sleeping is safe.

Bed sharing is just that, sharing a bed. Mom, Dad, Baby all pilled in the same bed. This too is safe, if done properly. Don't leave just yet, I know you've all heard about the handful of children that have died sharing a bed with their parents, I've heard it too. Please read again, if done properly.

So I hacked borrowed my husbands VCU Library account and typed 'infant bed sharing' in the search bar. I discovered one thing: you can make results look like whatever you want them to. But we all knew that didn't we? I mean 96% of all statistics are made up anyway, right? Or was it 89%?

The study published by Mosko, et al. Says it perfectly, 

"Normative values for infant sleep architecture have been established exclusively in the solitary sleeping environment."

 Just like our infant growth charts are based on white, formula fed babies. So when we base 'normal' on a very narrow subset of children, how do we really know what's abnormal? This study shows preferred sleep patterns in bed sharing infants. One study I read (that I'm sorry I do not have the reference to because reading it made me angry and I didn't think to save it.) says that bed sharing increases hypoxia in the infant, the fine print: who's head was covered. Well DUH!

What I was able to ascertain from all my reading was one thing: They just don't know.

A few things are clear, there are definitive risks. Bed sharing is discouraged when either parent has consumed alcohol or any narcotic medications, smokes, is overly tired, obese, or when there are other children in the bed. You also have to ensure you have a firm mattress and that there are no blankets, especially above the child's waist, all the same things you look for in a safe crib. I might add that the increase risk of SIDS was found only, yes only in a subset of smoking mothers. [2]

I have to point out one obvious point.

There is this video of a father crawling into the crib with his daughter, who falls asleep on him. I can't imagine a single person having an issue if this father happens to fall asleep in the crib with her, a much smaller space, why are we so in arms about this same situation happening in the parent's bed?

Again, I stress, when done properly.

So, let's address the other bit of statistics that people like to throw around, that mothers that bed share are less satisfied with parenting. I'm not really sure how you quantify parenting satisfaction, but I can tell you from experience that anxiety is always present with people ask how and where she sleeps. I have found few people in my life that are supportive of our sleep style. Finding a health care provider that is was the best thing that happened to us, and my biggest piece of advice if you too choose to bed share.

When I'm asked that question, that dreaded question, "How is she sleeping?" I have two options: {1} Tell the truth and prepare for the unsolicited advice on what should be going on or {2} Lie and go about my life. You have to wonder then, is this 'parenting dissatisfaction  really because of the sleeping arrangements, or because of the way they're forced to speak about it?

And to those of you who say it will ruin our marriage, I shake my head. If not having a few hours of time in bed together alone every night ruins our marriage, then I'm sure it wasn't that strong to begin with. 

Bed sharing will not ruin our marriage, it will strengthen our family!

Now that we've addressed all the disadvantages, let's talk about the {advantages}.

Studies have shown that bed sharing increases bonding between parents and children, facilities breast feeding {lets face it, who wants to get up and make and heat a bottle when you can whip out a boob, lying down, and go back to sleep}, and may even decrease SIDS due to the proximity of the mother increasing infant arousal leading to decreased time spent in deep sleep that can lead to decreased breathing in the infant. It is also believed that co sleeping leads to better self esteem and discipline in children. [4] And I can't help but to think it also decreases sleep problems. {Who doesn't remember being scared of the monster in the closet or under the bed? They don't live in mommy and daddy's room.}

Furthermore, co-sleeping is associated with lower infant cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress. Elevated cortisol levels early in life are linked to many mental health disorders including schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety disorders. [1] 

Here's the skinny, don't do anything you wouldn't do in the child's crib. You wouldn't think to put a shirt filled with the smell of smoke in the crib, don't wear pj's to bed that do. You wouldn't place huge, bulky blankets in the crib, don't use then on your bed. You wouldn't place an intoxicated adult in their crib [although that is something I'd like to see], or another child, don't put then in your bed.

Do what works for you and your family. Know the risks and benefits, make an informed decision. 

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{References}

[1] Beijers, R, Riksen-Walraven JM, de Weerth C. Cortisol regulation in 12-month-old human infants: Associations with the infants early history of breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Stress. 2012 Nov 29. 

[2] Brenner, R. et al. Infant-Parent bed sharing in an inner-city population. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2003;157;33-39.

[3] Mosko, S., Richard, C., McKenna, J. Infant arousals during mother-infant bed sharing: Implications for infant sleep and suddent infant death syndrome research. Pediatrics 1997; 100; 841.

[4] Sobralske, M and Gruber, M. Risks and benefits of parent/child bed sharing. Journal of the American Acadamy of Nurse Practitioners. 21 (2009) 474-479.